forever

How long it has been since I last held you –
silent being, grand and untouched.
Recall my memories, sing to me
fragments of heartbreak and harmony as
my soul is not lost in you, though apart.

You let me weep, whisper and roar till
the voice in my heart I could not feel; nor
hear the pain in my mind. You wrote colour
onto the pages of my grey-toned life,
and embraced me as I embraced you, kind.

Only you knew my secrets all those years.
How vulnerable I feel to return once more here,
our tips grazing, hanging semibreves in the air.

I love you. I will love you forever, a lifetime and more.

Please know that, and endeavour to love me back too
wherever I am and no matter
how long it has been since I last held you.

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***

I hoard extreme levels of elation and frustration, never one to shy away from the spectrum, so with my piano as my diary during my formative years, I could never have imagined that I would ever part from it. Sadly, I had resolved to stop playing it in an effort to heal from the wounds this attachment left me with when I was made to leave the hope of being a musician for a world of numbers that don’t make sense, jumbled together with an abundance of tears. This piece is written as a letter to my old friend and lover, whom I occasionally find very, very hard to leave behind. 

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9 thoughts on “forever

  1. I am saddened to have read this, especially coming from someone who once confessed to having a bit of a love affair with music and piano. I hope it isn’t the same way for your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I won’t deny that I was very sad writing this – it’s the sort of emptiness that never goes away because you don’t let it be replaced. In a way, I only started writing more towards the phasing out of piano. It’s something I never had a strong attachment to, so I don’t know if I could feel the same. At most, if I don’t write, it’s because I’m busy with work. With piano, I don’t play because I try not to anymore, if that makes sense in a nonsensical sort of way. Thanks for commenting (:

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Sadly, I had resolved to stop playing it in an effort to heal from the wounds this attachment left me with when I was made to leave the hope of being a musician for a world of numbers that don’t make sense, jumbled together with an abundance of tears.”

    This sentence is so heartbreaking! Never knew that’s the reason you stopped playing piano 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for stopping by! It sounds a bit melodramatic reading through that again, but it’s indeed the reason I stopped. It hurts less to not be near it if that makes sense.

      Like

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